Bandwagon Column: from The Settler's Handbook

from "THE SETTLER'S HANDBOOK"
 
These are excerpts from a roughly photocopied document, originally formatted in MS Publisher, found in the recent raids.
 
Welcome!!! The species you are assimilating into operates through a binary sytem ofincentives and deterents. Confused??? Don't worry!!! This (still incomplete) guide is the result of extensive research by our operatives. We hope it's useful!!!
 
These things are called PUNISHMENTS
 
Embarassment, expulsion, electrocution.
A bad harvest, a late monsoon, ten seconds of medium tempo applause.
A light smack in accordance with the principle of good parental correction.
(...)
John Key.
A single marshmallow.
Solitary confinement.
 
And these things are REWARDS
 
Chocolate, cannabis, copulation.
Anything colourful, shiny or squeaky.
(...)
A free bar (1 in 6).
A free coffee (the 10th).
A winning ticket (1 in a million).
A good book.
A blue sky.
A hug.