Bandwagon Column: Shakespeare's Life and Key Inventions

Historical context: As outlined  in Harold Bloom's book "Shakespeare: The Invention of the Human," before Shakespeare, most of the emotions you recognise as “human” had not been developed or branded. Broadly: people were born, had lots of kids, and died. 

1564 Shakespeare born. Parents begin planning next child.
1585-92 “Lost years.” During this time he splintered his soul into a five part horcrux with Bacon, Marlow, de Vere and Elizabeth I.
1593 In his state of the art word laboratory, develops what he brands “love” and writes Romeo and Juliet as a marketing vehicle. Ben Jonson calls DiCaprio’s performance “histrionic.” Teenage girls disagree.
1590s Spurred by his success with “love," works through a series of increasingly well received projects such as “misogyny” “anti-semitism” and “xenophobia” all of which prove globally popular in following centuries.
1595 Begins work on his most ambitious project, "human nature". Ben Jonson sceptical.
1596 Drunk on his own success, and on a whim, builds theatre shaped like a big donut.
1600 "Human nature" invented by Shakespeare and unveiled in a four hour stunt nicknamed “Hamlet”. So successful it remains largely unmodified for 400 years. Ben Jonson unimpressed.
1604-10 Writes “problem plays” like Measure for Measure, fills them with problems such as wacky word puzzles, secret codes, and I-spy challenges, to give modern scholars something to do with all their time.1611 All earlier achievements dwarfed by the stage direction “exit pursued by a bear” in The Winter’s Tale.