with apologies to Howard Barker.
1. You are probably making theatre for the wrong reasons.
2. Few people go to the theatre to have a bad time and be improved. How will you target them in your marketing?
3. Poetry may make nothing happen but it lacks theatre’s social aspect.
4. Shared light is spooky, because look how hard you are working and how still the audience is.
5. The banks have gotten pretty chummy recently, haven’t they?
6. Evolutionarily, it may not be in your interests to be happy.
7. Nihilism in the elderly is disconcerting, isn’t it?
8. Truth in the theatre is quite hard to define.
9. All that junk food is altering your perception of things.
10. When the actors are having a bad time, comfort them by calling out things like “its ok! None of it is really happening!”
11. Try getting up there and helping out. See what they do.
12. Discussion of Facebook will not, in itself, make the work avant-garde.
13. All this coffee is making you edgy. Have you added up what it costs you in a week?
14. Lists can be written more quickly than novels.
15. If you want to watch people bored at work, there are fast food places where you can do it for free.
16. It is more about the asking of questions than about being so presumptuous as to proffer answers, wouldn't you say?
17. You will see all these things differently in a few years.
18. The news media in this country is very emotionally invested.
19. We are doomed with or without your scholarly concern. Stop reading those depressing books and go outside, its sunny.
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