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with apologies to Howard Barker.
1.       You are probably making theatre for the wrong reasons.
2.       Few people go to the theatre to have a bad time and be improved. How will you target them in your marketing?
3.       Poetry may make nothing happen but it lacks theatre’s social aspect.
4.       Shared light is spooky, because look how hard you are working and how still the audience is.
5.    The banks have gotten pretty chummy recently, haven’t they? 
6.       Evolutionarily, it may not be in your interests to be happy.
7.       Nihilism in the elderly is disconcerting, isn’t it?
8.     Truth in the theatre is quite hard to define. 
9.       All that junk food is altering your perception of things.
10.    When the actors are having a bad time, comfort them by calling out things like “its ok! None of it is really happening!”
11.    Try getting up there and helping out. See what they do.
12.   Discussion of Facebook will not, in itself, make the work avant-garde.
13.    All this coffee is making you edgy. Have you added up what it costs you in a week?
14.    Lists can be written more quickly than novels.
15.    If you want to watch people bored at work, there are fast food places where you can do it for free. 
16.    It is more about the asking of questions than about being so presumptuous as to proffer answers, wouldn't you say?
17.     You will see all these things differently in a few years. 
18.    The news media in this country is very emotionally invested.
19.    We are doomed with or without your scholarly concern.  Stop reading those depressing books and go outside, its sunny.
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Where all your Beckett royalties go
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Applications 21/07/2010
 
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Onscreen
So my friend told me how his young nephew, who lives in another city, maybe thinks his uncle is a computer programme. This makes sense. Like all the other applications he is conjured by mouse-click; a flat, jerky man who by some disconcerting charm you can never make eye contact with. So, Picard-like, he points to the screen and asks for his uncle. 

Ode (2010 AD)
Oh! You spirits of far flung friends! I have lost the memory of when you were flesh. Now you blink mysteriously on and off like the lights on a thunderbirds set. Your voices, your faces forgotten; light up your small green circles and appear to me...
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Movie Magic 20/05/2010
 
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Look! Links to the short vids we made last year for the Mashpit website:

Our Recent Status Updates
When Facebook goes bad.

1001 Things You MUST Do Before You Die
There was one of these they made us cut out, and a few I'm quite suprised they let stay...

Binge News
We never found out who this boy was, he was just a miracle which appeared

Hard Night Panda 01, 02 and 03 
Its not the drinking, its how we're drinking...
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To paraphrase Tom Waits: Here is an old one that fell down the side of the stove while I was cooking.
 -Ralph


This is an OPEN BOOK text. 
You may have as much time as you like. 
You may talk quietly amongst yourselves. 

Q1: 

How can we keep politics out of entertainment? 
Should David Bain be allowed on Dancing with the Stars? 
Which television insurance ads have made you cry? 
Which antiperspirant deodorant sexually arouses women the most?

      (Choose ONE, 5 Credits)

Q2:

What text messages have you sent to yourself?
Would you prefer to lose a finger or your cell phone? 
If I can imagine it, is it on Youtube?
If I only knew you through your Facebook page, do you think I’d want to fuck you?

      (Choose TWO, 10 Credits)

Q3:

If I am 1000 kms away, chatting with you on Gmail, how close am I to you? 
If I am in front of you, texting someone else as you talk to me, am I closer or further away?
If I am kissing you, thinking about something else, how close, how close am I?
How about when I hide my eyes, like this?

        (Choose as many as you like, 15 Credits)

Q4:

What is the difference between a celebration and a curse? Can both exist in the same moment?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how in love are you today? 
What lies do you believe?
Do you have your priorities right?

      (Answer all questions, 50 credits) 


Extra for experts! 

What kind of art should you make as the ice caps melt?  
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Between tremors   
 

Wooohooo! Ride’m cowboy!

26 mins ago

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“preliminary | 6.6 at a depth of 5km, 90km NW of Tuatapere”

21 mins ago

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