Bandwagon Column: Between Tremors 19/11/2009
Between tremors
Wooohooo! Ride’m cowboy! 26 mins ago You and 5 others like this “preliminary | 6.6 at a depth of 5km, 90km NW of Tuatapere” 21 mins ago Like Unlike You and 2 others like this. Add Comment Historical context: As outlined in Harold Bloom's book "Shakespeare: The Invention of the Human," before Shakespeare, most of the emotions you recognise as “human” had not been developed or branded. Broadly: people were born, had lots of kids, and died. 1564 Shakespeare born. Parents begin planning next child. 1585-92 “Lost years.” During this time he splintered his soul into a five part horcrux with Bacon, Marlow, de Vere and Elizabeth I. 1593 In his state of the art word laboratory, develops what he brands “love” and writes Romeo and Juliet as a marketing vehicle. Ben Jonson calls DiCaprio’s performance “histrionic.” Teenage girls disagree. 1590s Spurred by his success with “love," works through a series of increasingly well received projects such as “misogyny” “anti-semitism” and “xenophobia” all of which prove globally popular in following centuries. 1595 Begins work on his most ambitious project, "human nature". Ben Jonson sceptical. 1596 Drunk on his own success, and on a whim, builds theatre shaped like a big donut. 1600 "Human nature" invented by Shakespeare and unveiled in a four hour stunt nicknamed “Hamlet”. So successful it remains largely unmodified for 400 years. Ben Jonson unimpressed. 1604-10 Writes “problem plays” like Measure for Measure, fills them with problems such as wacky word puzzles, secret codes, and I-spy challenges, to give modern scholars something to do with all their time.1611 All earlier achievements dwarfed by the stage direction “exit pursued by a bear” in The Winter’s Tale. from "THE SETTLER'S HANDBOOK" These are excerpts from a roughly photocopied document, originally formatted in MS Publisher, found in the recent raids. Welcome!!! The species you are assimilating into operates through a binary sytem ofincentives and deterents. Confused??? Don't worry!!! This (still incomplete) guide is the result of extensive research by our operatives. We hope it's useful!!! These things are called PUNISHMENTS Embarassment, expulsion, electrocution. A bad harvest, a late monsoon, ten seconds of medium tempo applause. A light smack in accordance with the principle of good parental correction. (...) John Key. A single marshmallow. Solitary confinement. And these things are REWARDS Chocolate, cannabis, copulation. Anything colourful, shiny or squeaky. (...) A free bar (1 in 6). A free coffee (the 10th). A winning ticket (1 in a million). A good book. A blue sky. A hug. |

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